对于每一段友情，我都很珍惜。即使你的-需要特别小心翼翼，我也是尽我的能力。当然，我也有我的缺点，blur, 粗支大叶。也可能老了吧，最近也真的太忙 了，没以前敏锐，没以前的那么。。。注意每一个细节。每一次的争吵，真的很心力交瘁。每一次，都要说对不起和哄你好几天，才能平息。
你说我不珍惜这段友情，我真的很失望。明明每次都是一小件事（也不是故意的），怎么到了你那边，我就像做了天大的错事。好无奈啊。没想到，我们所有的交心，所有的聚会，每一年帮你精心策划的生日，都不及这些。
只能说，我们不适合做朋友。😪 说真的，我也没什么后悔，我尽力了，我也不觉得我亏欠你，毕竟我一直用心对待你，很多东西都以你为第一考量。我也功成身退了。以后，就让另外2位 organise everything for you 吧。（OS: 我何必 🤦🏻♀️) 以后也不用那么小心翼翼的生活了。祝你一切安好。🙏🏻
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So I actually posted the above with some ws convo screenshots with a friend on IG. Of course, at that very moment, I just feel very.....I guess I was so pent up with emotions that I just want to have a channel to release my outburst. For, I'm feeling very unjust and fed-up with how things turned up.
So upon my post, some of my very close friends messaged me out of concern and asked why did that particular friend reacted that way - with so much drama and angsty. And they said she probably took me for granted because I gave in to her for too long a period. A few friends who saw me teared also comforted me and said I've tried my best so just don't feel bad about it. Some said the friend is too princessy with emotional and sensitivity issues. Thanks for all the comforting words. I feel better now.
Actually, another 1 of our mutual friend also teared together with me, to my surprise. Because she is usually so bo chup. She is always taking neutral stand. Yeah it gets a tadddd irritating at times. And somehow, I guess because of our personalities, she is always very direct with me(I like it this way as I'm very direct too) and I can take all opinions. On the other hand, she is very indirect and very very mild with the other girl because she is very sensitive, gets offended/hurt/angry easily. So somehow, albeit neutral, the mutual friend always lean slightly towards the other girl. Or well, maybe she is just closer with her lah, I dont know lah.
So this mutual girl, just texted me, the 2nd time, to ask me to remove the convo screenshots post. To clarify, the princess don't have IG, some mutual friends may be in my IG list but honestly, at the point of time, I don't really care. I really don't feel I've committed SUCH a GRAVE mistake to warrant such treatment and behavior. The mutual girl claimed that it's for my own good as she's afraid my friends may misunderstand that I'm trying to act victim etc because that's how the social media works. Honestly, I told her, all my friends sided me(which is kinda expected) and even if the others dont, I ALSO DONT CARE. I'm not seeking for validation, I just want to vent. I'm tired, I'm SICK of all this shit all these years!
BUT, still, I removed that post. It's not because of me but because of that princess. Because those screenshots will probably reveal the REAL side of her which her/our friends DON'T SEE. I may be impulsive, hot-tempered but I'm not evil nor revengeful. I don't bear grudges. I've let go already, I think. I WILL let go anyway, sooner or later. Like I said, I felt better now as I've made a release. So it's fine, I removed the post. I told Miss Mutual-Neutral-Forever that I felt she persuaded me to do this is not because of me, but because of her. Because she is always so protective of her just because she has a history of Depression and is the emotional type who always easily hurt. *Rolls eyes*
I told my partner this and he scoffed, "Her, depression? Her FB is full of all the outings at the posh places with fat old uncles and Ah Gua(transvestite), having free meals and parties. Seriously, depression?"
Precisely.
People who know me will know that IG post of mine is not to play victim or gain sympathy points. They will know the person who always act victim, easily hurt, history of depression etc is rather the hard nut to crack.
All along, I also don't want to say much. I mean, if that's what people perceived of her, it's her skills and talents. I don't really care also because it doesn't concerns me. But sometimes I really wonder why she can be so obsessed with how people perceived her and she went to great lengths to maintain that image, even to the huge number of strangers in her FB. Everytime we took wefies, we are not allowed to post them until after her edits. No doubt she will edit herself to be beautiful till the pics doesnt look like herself, - I mean, that's fine, yall know, vain girls. BUT, sometimes she will edit till I look distorted. Duhz I will either have a super long chin or super narrow face just so her face can be perfect. And, we wont have the original pictures at all because she wont send us, so we only have our distorted faces. Zzz. Even then, we are okie, I'm just a tad irritated because I just can't post "the moment" because the pics will only be edited after 1 or 2 days. Yes, she will edit till she is perfect, face perfect and body perfect, boobs will also make bigger those type.
Exasperated of course, but deal breaker? No. I still can accept. Nevermind la, my friends(my FB are all my real frens anyway) know how I look like anyway but yeah, thinking back, how selfish she can be?
I'm really not expecting anyone to read this or any of her friends to read this as this is an anonymous blog but really, you know that feeling of...wanna release but yet don't really want to hurt anyone in the process.
I mean, the list of the things I can't stand can go on but forget it. Just wanna release pent up anguish and not trying to make myself more irritated.
I'm just wondering how the hell can I accept all this rubbish treatment for so many years really. It's really not worth it. I must be blind. I'm just too easy going already. Everytime I was made to organize and plan. Miss Princess this cannot that cannot. I previously booked like a few places and all were rejected by her. You guys should know how hard it is to make reservations for the weekends now when the pax limits are lifted. Eventually I asked her to just decide and book because we the other 3 girls are super chin chai one. But no, Miss Princess don't make reservations one. It's the maid like me who do it. And who else but me, because the 2 other girls have their reasons(busy/sick etc). Sigh.... And I just want the group to be happy.
Maybe I should just be more bo chup abit.
Anyway, despite all my ramblings, I'm not saying she's a bad person lah. She is kind hearted and sweet sometimes when it comes to our birthday celebrations. She is just...sigh...I guess we have problems syncing because we are too different. 2 ends of a pole. I guess she is just spoilt by kind beings around her bah. But the biggest problem is, she thinks she has no problem. Faint.
It's so hard to second guess girls. I'm a girl but I behave like a guy sometimes.
Anyway, I suddenly felt very disappointed with Miss Neutral too. I'm closest with her in the group but...should I really keep a friend who don't feel my pain, treats me as 2nd priority and not much of loyalty......
Actually I long time never cry so much already. My life has always been smooth. Perhaps that's why I pity Miss Princess and give in to her on alot of things. Whenever she complains of being broke, I will always treat her too.
Haiz, really, if you are reading this, remember, you don't need many friends, just good quality ones will do. Because toxic friends will drain your energy away from you.
Thank god I have many other great friends who aren't like that.
